Another day older

It's cold and rainy today, and I think the weather is negatively affecting the people around me, myself included. The weather isn't the only thing, of course, but many people I have come into contact with today have been... out-of-sorts. I'm tired, too; I've been working a lot, and trying to squeeze in gym time, and it's taking its toll on my poor physical self. Which, in turn, leaves me mentally weak and prone to irrational thoughts and behavior... or, at its most benign, not knowing what to say and just being comfortable with uncomfortable silence.

My grandma flew into town today (and boy, are her wings tired). I went to dinner with her and my brother, and it struck me how much different we all are from when I was a kid, hangin' out with Grandma. (Except my brother; he's basically the same as he's always been.) Time, always in relentless pursuit, is beginning to catch up with her. I don't begrudge her that; we're all entitled to get old, and we did have a nice conversation, for the most part. Still, though, the depth has gone out of our relationship, mostly because when I tell a story of any substance, my natural windiness and rapid speech make me very difficult for her to hear and understand. It's too bad; Grandma is a pretty sharp lady, and is full of interesting tidbits and stories and things of that nature. Nowadays, it's more difficult to pry them out, especially when my only backup is my brother, who is more than content to sit silently for weeks, even months at a time. So, after a hard day's work and a brief imitation of a workout, it's almost easier for me to take a vested interest in my surroundings and let her share what she wants. Eventually, I will be old enough to miss softly spoken sentences such that two people can have a conversation at the table with me and I won't even know it. That is, to say the least, not a comforting thought.

I saw last year's roommate, Jerome, at the gym this afternoon for the first time since I moved out last summer. He's in the Guard, and will be going to Iraq this summer. I always thought he'd end up over there, troop deployments being what they are, but it's still rather unsettling. He doesn't have an easy job, and he's much too nice of a guy to be blown up by some Syrian fundie who's been brainwashed by ultra-conservative demagogues. He is, however, not too nice of a guy to be sent over to an excessively dangerous, fledgling democracy by ultra-conservative American demagogues, and I can only cross my fingers and hope that his unit finds the perfect balance between not enough armor to protect oneself and having so much homemade armor hanging from the Humvee that it collapses under its own weight.

I want to stay up late tonight, to revel in the freedom of not having to get up for work at 6:15 in the morning.