but i wake up under similar stars and still can't sit at the same feast

On Cinephiles and Sports Fans

By and large, people who watch movies and people who watch sports are similar, in the sense that all humans are similar. We all would like to laugh and clap our hands before we fuck. THE LIFE OF KINGS, AND NOTHING LESS.

Since we live in a part of the world where hunger is a political weapon and we all agree to let it happen by calling it "income inequality" instead, we have kind of all agreed that what hungry people and fat white racists (like the kind of person Don Sterling swears he isn't) want is the unexpected. I think it's a shame that so much of our culture is so divided over how we chow down on the aforementioned unexpected (Aformexcepted).

It's a distinction without much of a difference. People who watch movies want someone to create a total package and then serve it to them to be judged complete/good or incomplete/bad as one is capable of judging. People who watch sports want an unscripted performance that they can then use to generate or confirm a narrative or belief as needed.

As a very specific, lazy kind of creator (with particular training in speaking extemporaneously,) I prefer the second form. if watching movies were a sport, it would be figure skating, which makes natural sense to me - in that context, it makes sense to judge performers on the basis of who can make me laugh and clap my hands the most. Film students, with the kind of family wealth that lets you move easily through life, exploring your conception of the universe through the windshield of your BMW X5, would say that there are objective criteria viewers can use to judge the relative quality of a film; at the end of the day, films remain subject to the whims of the audience (or worse, their investors.)

Yet, each viewer's experience is equally genuine and heartfelt; even people who know nothing of film history or Roger Ebert know if they liked the damn movie or not. Only the buttery fingers of the devoted movie-goer can stroke their self-same pimply chins and declaim that they can't understand how Peter Jackson directed both The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.

This is not to say that sports fans are any more enlightened. If there was ever a broad stripe of humanity dedicated to arguing, fighting, and even causing riots in support of a billionaire's plaything whose largest costs are often borne by taxpayers who couldn't care less about the sportball, to say nothing of finding causation in correlation, patterns in noise, conclusions in coincidence, or meaning in nothing than sports fans... I have yet to find them, and I hope I never do.

BUT... if I did... they would probably look like Don Sterling and sound like Master Shake, and say things like "I GIVE THEM FOOD AND CARS AND HOUSES."