rock you like a hurricane (edited 8/31)

for those that don't know, my good friend kevin finds himself in new orleans... just as hurricane katrina is about to unleash a category-4 hellstorm upon the Big Easy. if i believed in God, I'd be praying for you, buddy. Hope you made it to higher ground - I hear the levees in n'awlins don't have floodgates.

in other news, happy birthday to paul metzger. the big 2-5. that's the same age that fry is in the second season of futurama. (why do I know that??)

also, happy birthday to my now-20-year-old landlord, travis webb. it's amazing what you can learn about a guy after you've been up for 16 hours, drinking. isn't 20 the most worthless birthday? now there's no excuse for your immature, amateur hijinks, and you're still not old enough to buy your own whiskey.

also, here's an interesting story about the possible health benefits of coffee... which, incidentally, makes me feel much better about my one-pot-a-day habit. if only I could stop shaking long enough to pour this cup, I'd be even less likely to get cancer.

Last week was the first week of school. Although you'd never know it by seeing the staggeringly long lines at the parking office (haha, suckers), first-day UND enrollment came in at 12,415, with a higher-than-expected number of new freshmen. That's what I love about freshmen... I keep getting older, and they keep stayin' the same age.... hahaha...

My initial experience with UND was with the new PeopleSoft software, an enormous clusterfuck of a program that is meant to replace ALFI while adding new functionality for students, teachers, and employees of the U. In reality, it is not nearly robust enough, and despite its name, is not people-friendly or very soft. Some clever graffiti artists going by the name of Partisans Supporting the Return of ALFI (or something to that effect) had tagged the blackboard in my Russian class on Tuesday; I say good for them. Best of luck to UND with this hideous monster, and btw, thanks for CHARGING ME 80 BUCKS THIS SEMESTER TO BE STUCK WITH IT.

My first class that fateful Tuesday was History 102: Western Civilization Since 1500, taught by a Dr. Iseminger. Iseminger, of course, is German for "cantankerous, bitter old man." Although he has a wide-ranging grasp of the subject matter (having been alive since approximately 1500), and he is also a well-informed listener to Minnesota Public Radio, I must say I do not approve of his distaste for GPS or iPods, nor his assignment of 55 pages of reading due by the second class period, with an accompanying essay quiz that day.

UND is not generally known for getting things right (Ralph Engelstad arena, hockey tickets, parking, PeopleSoft, parking ticket quotas, the nickname, etc.). One thing I must commend them on is the HUGE improvement to the food court since the last time I attended my fair school. The last time I lunched at the Student Union, I was invariably met with incredibly long lines for the Subway and 10 to 15 minute waits for pizza at Little Caesar's. There was never a line for the TCBY/JuiceWorks, but that's because 3.50 for a drink that contains no coffee (but does contain bee pollen, if you care for it) is ridiculous, and also not lunch. Combine the tremendous service bottleneck with poorly trained staff that completely turned over perhaps twice a week, and your lunch hour was a disaster unless you went someplace else.

Now, there are modern-looking metal gates that swing silently into food heaven. I'm not talking about the place where food goes when you puke it up... I'm talking about a pleasant, well-furnished place to sample the wide variety of cuisine that is now offered instead of poorly-made sandwiches or mediocre pizza. You can still get sandwiches or pizza, but instead of Subway, it's a sandwich bar that is slightly better quality, with fresher-looking ingredients, more variety, and COMPETENT, FRIENDLY STAFF courtesy of UND Dining Services. Instead of Little Caesar's, it's a fully-functional Sbarro, with giant pizza slices, giant whole pizzas, and a variety of pasta dishes that I have not tasted, but are most likely delicious.

That's not all. There is also an honest-to-god A&W, with draft root beer behind the counter. That is so awesome I don't even know what to say (although sadly, they don't have malt vinegar for the fries. I think that would be a great selling point for Canadian high-school students interested in playing hockey here... get your little taste of home! besides, i like fries and vinegar). Not really feeling the pizza, subs, or burgers? Then stop by the asian food bar, where they will fry up your choice of vegetables with your choice of meat and asian-flavored sauce (not made with real asians, or so they say) into a delightful mixture of crunchy, meaty goodness. Or, if you want tacos, hit the taco/burrito bar, where you have another decision tree full of choices. If that still doesn't make you happy, then there are a couple of coolers full of salads and pre-made sandwiches, bagels and brownies, milk and cookies, overpriced juice drinks and bottled water... i think by now you get the point.

All this selection would be worthless if you had to wait 20 minutes to get your food, for that was the biggest problem with the old food court to begin with. Luckily, this is not the case. At 12:00 noon on the first (busiest) day of school, I spent maybe five minutes from beginning to end of the food-selection experience. The large variety has the effect of dispersing the crowd of people among the various lunch options, and the more adventurous foods have little to no line at all. You pay for everything at the end, right before you sit down, and they even take Visa/MC, along with the old standbys of cash, check, and Dining Dollars. Everyone is skilled enough to operate their register without having to call someone else over, they are courteous and friendly, and the whole experience is completely painless. There are also enough places to sit - alone, at 12:05, I was able to choose from a number of empty seats in the remodeled area behind the food line, and also leading out into the Union itself. Combine this with a variety of daily specials guaranteeing you lunch and a beverage for about 5 bucks, and you've got a winner.

I am very excited about the food court.

I am much less excited about my algebra class, which is so un-memorable that I don't even remember my instructor's name. I don't care about that, though, because I suspect that she will not be teaching me much algebra. Although a graduate student, and probably much better at math than I will ever be, I suspect she is either my age or a year younger, and has never taught a class in her life. Her mumble-and-stumble routine through the difference between adding and multiplying exponents kept my eyes glued to the clock for the entire 50 minutes. If only she'd tell us when the quizzes were, I'd know exactly when and when not to go to class.

I won't even tell you about the intense, excruciating shame of German class, save for the instructor did a reasonably good job of preparing a 2-hour class after discovering that she had to teach it three hours before it started.

Russian was just as I remembered it - very difficult. The class, though, is much more engaged than the last time I took it, and there is nothing worse than a foreign language class that drags its ass when asked to do call-and-response exercises with the prof. That, and the fact that I have taken this exact class once before, I think bodes well for me.

I showed up late to my Communication and the Human Community class, and learned two things: one, my instructor was in a Brazilian sandal commercial, and two, he may or may not show us a film with topless women in it. I think he basically guaranteed that all the guys would show up for class every day... a brilliant move, and one that I will remember if I ever teach.

I am also taking Pols 220: Comparative Politics. It's a lucky thing, for I have a well-trained, well-read, knowledgable professor who is introduced at faculty functions as "the international politics guy" for an instructor. For every situation in the book or lecture, he has an anecdote about politics at some random little country around the globe. Aside from his propensity to laugh at his own jokes, I thoroughly enjoy his lectures so far, and hope he continues a promising trend.

I took a work-study job in the Chemistry lab. I enjoy working with chemicals, and the large room filled floor-to-ceiling with those little brown reagent bottles filled me with wonder (and memories of qual, way back in high school). During my semester or year or two years or whatever that I work there, I also hope to acquire a beaker or Erlenmeyer flask or two that I may use as a coffee cup - a dream I have held since elementary school, deep in the recesses of my mind, waiting to awaken when the opportunity presents itself. (Another thing I wished I had when I was a small boy: a pair of Roos tennis shoes, you know, those shoes with little snap pockets on the sides. Luckily, they're back in style, and I will finally get my shoes.) Of course, since there are no labs the first week of school, I was charged with the task of giving two labs a sponge bath, cleaning the pencil marks from the counters and the splatter residue from under the vent hoods. Hardly exciting, and despite the plastic gloves, the cut I had acquired the previous night at work itched and burned by the time I was done.

There you have it: everything I've done for the past week. I left out the parts where i was delivering pizza, because aside from the part where i discovered that Popolino's has hot wing sauce, but it is for the pizza and not for the hot wings, it's not very interesting. Delicious, but not interesting.

parting shot: mc chris ownz. i wanna go to an mc chris show. but he doesn't.... .... ahh, fuck it.

omgroflololol

not safe for work.

jumped the shark

i dodged a massive bullet in rehab group tonight.

without breaking confidentiality, I can say that I somehow managed to avoid a massive, prison-sized bullet this evening.

having done that, i am grateful for every single thing, good or bad, that has happened to me since my release. i just want everyone to know that every minute i've spent outside of the care of the north dakota department of corrections and rehabilitation has been uniformly & categorically better than every minute that i've ever spent in it.

in other news...

1 props go to kevin for helping me to popularize the word "recoculous." splash, bro ^_^

2 school starts in one week. it's about time.

3 cindy sheehan is a great american under attack by the right-wing spin machine.

4 if i could, i would have bob costas's children. his interview on "larry king live" with conan o'brien was side-splitting.

5 we should say "harvest our craps," anyways, because "craps" is a funny word.

thank you and good night. morning. whatev'.

addendum

gotcha.

i just thought up the funniest joke

q) what do you call someone who expertly displays pornography about the house?

a) a master masterbator baiter.

lol.

pot committed

This article furthers the point that the U.S. is wasting its time fighting a war on potheads, the biggest time-wasters of all. Also briefly discusses the ups and downs of bringing things through tunnels.

Man, I wish I was Canadian.

no, it's not a banana

Surprise, surprise...

This link confirms what 'they' say about men with big feet. No, it's got nothing to do with buying shoes....

(for the record, my shoes are *ahem* size 14. Do the math. ^_^)

confessions

1. Reading DrunkenBlog, it sounds like lots of people are unhappy with Tiger.2. I must confess, I have not run across any of the bugs that these people speak of, mostly because my computer is simply too slow to really hammer the OS... I don't even bother trying to use QuickSilver or Spotlight or any intense apps. Maybe if I wasn't beholden to the Dock, I wouldn't like it so much. (Stockholm syndrome?)

2. I'm listening to Portishead right now. I haven't listened to Portishead in a couple of years, aside from maybe a random drunken-DJ moment that I don't remember. They're not bad.

3. I love this website. It has inspired me to give Symbyax another (maybe not another, since this will be the first) chance.

4. It is now 4:30 am, and I am so manic that when I leave the computer, I am going to go clean the garage.

5. (s)Tony Lafferty's birthday was yesterday. Awesome party, until the police came. It's cool when they show up and I don't have to run away.

6. I should be playing the late-night freeroll on PartyPoker, but I got so wrapped up practicing piano that I missed the registration time that I had been waiting two hours for.

7. I am enamored with the muscles in my forearm. They move my fingers.

That is all.

ganbatte kudasai

sorry to make you all think that this was going to be some sort of current-events blog that dropped serious science on everyone that reads it. no, there's too many other blogs out there like that, and they do a better job.

mostly, i'm just sick of reading bad news that gets worse and worse.

to sum up what would have otherwise been many long, long articles:

we have the worst president (and by extension, the worst administration) that America has ever had.

President Bush, his subordinates, the Republican party, and the heads of major global corporations have managed to turn a surplus of wealth, good will, and promise into a deficit of money, trust, faith, and American values. They have stolen every good thing about America and turned it into yellow magnets on the back of SUVs, all calling out for us to "Support Our Troops!"

The aforementioned parties lied to us so they could start a war.
The aforementioned parties got together and wrote an energy policy that gave more money than any of us will ever see to oil companies that are seeing record profits.
The aforementioned parties refuse to fight a war on methamphetamines, and instead choose to fight a war on marijuana.
The aforementioned parties do not believe that women have a right to choose what happens in their own bodies.
The aforementioned parties want to know what library books you're reading.
The aforementioned parties outed a CIA agent to get back at someone who disagreed with them, and, now that they're about to get caught, are lying about it.
The aforementioned parties are using the media to lie to you, even now.
Meanwhile, the President is on vacation...again.

President Bush is the worst President ever. He is not your friend. He does not care about you.
He only cares about taking care of his father's friends in the energy industry, the same friends that gave him second chance after second chance until he finally found someone that could protect him and used him to acquire the highest office in the land.

I can barely read about this stuff without getting massively depressed. In fact, I recently started taking medication for depression that is royally fucking with my head and my whole circadian rhythm. So, instead of continuing to punish myself, I will simply quit writing (and, to an extent, reading) about stuff that is so depressing that I have to pay sticker price for medication. (Because, of course, I have no health insurance, and President Bush refuses to do anything about me and the millions of Americans like me.)

Within the next 20 years, we are going to see a depression that the history books will remember forever.

Thanks, President Bush! Have a nice day.