update

Q & A

Q: Why won't you answer your phone? Where the fuck are you?
A: I'm in rehab in Bismarck.

Q: Again?
A: Yes, again. This time it was my idea.

Q: Did you violate your probation again? Are you going to prison?
A: No and no. I thought it would be cheaper and easier if I just told my probation officer that I needed to quit drinking, but that turned out to not be the case.

Q: Are you sure you didn't violate your probation?
A: Yes.

Q: You're lying, you liar.
A: That's not a question.

Q: I heard you were in rehab for being gambly.
A: I am quite gambly, yes. That's not the reason, though.

Q: So why ARE you in rehab?
A: About a month ago, after a long night of drinking and screwing around (much like nearly every night for the preceding five months), I woke up sweaty and nauseous, and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. I'd never had a hangover like that before, and when I finally felt like a human being the next day, I realized that I drink way too much way too frequently. I also know that I can't just quit cold turkey... I need a combination of community support and psychological evaluation/treatment.

Q: Are you an alcoholic?
A: Most of the literature says that since you asked me that question, yes, I am. If I say no, then I'm in denial, and if I say yes, then I need to be working a program. Some literature (I am not making this up) says that since you asked me that question, you're most likely an alcoholic too.

Q: Huh?
A: Yes, I am. So are you.

Q: No I'm not.
A: Fine, I don't care.

Q: Why didn't you tell anyone?
A: I went from "hey, I need help" to "you're going to Bismarck for evaluation" in about two days. I had lots of stuff to try and arrange in those two days, and I really didn't think I'd be gone this long.

Q: Why not?
A: I was told that I'd be going to Bismarck to get an evaluation by some of the best counselors in the state, and that it would probably take ten days, plus or minus four. Instead, I've been here for a month, and I got a two-hour evaluation from two girls approximately my age who both graduated from Jamestown College. I wish I'd put up the money for counseling outside of my probation officer's clutches, because now I'm in a system where nobody cares about customer satisfaction... and that sucks.

Q: When are you coming home?
A: July 19th, maybe sooner. I think they want me to stay in a halfway house for a while or something. Not real clear on the details -- you can ask three different people what's up and they'll give you four different answers, none of them concrete.

Q: blah blah blah, all other inquiries
A: Fuck off. I'll be home soon.

love,
dusty