TEH PWN

(that would either be a totally awesome vanity plate, or the lamest one ever.)

i got the idea because i totally pwned a russian quiz this morning. it was even more satisfying to hear the mutters and head-scratching from the seats around me as they struggled to come up with (insert cyrillic here).

here's a sample of my writing that i gave to the opinion editor of the dakota student, in hopes that i could be a columnist and have to do less work than if i were a reporter. it obviously didn't work out (they'd already hired too many people to write trite pap), but i thought the sample was decent, and since they didn't/won't publish it, i think i still have the rights to it. so... here you go.

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There must be somebody, some rich person somewhere, that gets a nickel every time someone mentions responsibility to a college student. We are constantly reminded to drink responsibly, date responsibly, and spend our money responsibly; between that, and digging ourselves out of all the invitations to party, hook up, and get credit cards, we're pretty busy.

I really thought I was starting to catch on, too. Responsibility seemed pretty simple; you own up to things you did, whether they're good or bad, and if they're bad, you try to make things right. I must have gotten something wrong somwhere, though, because my role models are modeling an entirely different version of 'responsibility.'

Take, for example, the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. President Bush, amid loud cries that the federal government did next to nothing to help evacuate and rescue the victims of the hurricane, insisted that now is not the time to place blame. This week, the president changed his mind (flip-flopped?) and said, "For any failure of the federal government... I take responsibility." Ah, good, that's better, he's taken responsibility. We can all rest easier, knowing that the changes our great president is making will ensure that this never happens again.

Oh, wait - he didn't change anything. He just said he takes responsibility. That must be good enough, then.

Let's also take, for example, the aftermath of the financial aid fiasco here at UND, caused by none other than faulty software from PeopleSoft. (Did you look at your tuition and fees bill? We're all paying 80 dollars a semester to use PeopleSoft/be used by PeopleSoft.) Students remain without their excess aid, even though UND has already gotten its money; it is only the students with excess aid that are left wanting. The financial aid staff has gotten very good at saying "I'm sorry." As they are learning, though, there is a huge gap between being sorry and making things right.

I am deeply disappointed in the reactions of both the federal government on the Gulf Coast and UND's financial aid department (and their bosses). The disaster in the Southeast is so huge I have no idea what to do first, next, or last. I cannot really help them, although I did send 20 bucks to the Red Cross. I do, however, have some suggestions for how the FA office can maybe soothe some hurt feelings (and hurting pocketbooks).

1) Extend the Financial Aid office hours. At all times of day, the wait to see a receptionist is around 30 minutes. For students who are in class all day and may have problems with their aid checks, it only seems fair to keep a couple of people in the office until 7 or 8 pm.

2) Put a third receptionist in the Financial Aid office, at a temporary desk. Although space may be at a premium, things would move much quicker if there were just one more set of hands and eyes helping the students.

3) Refund the PeopleSoft user fees to the people whose aid checks are two weeks late or later. They've already bent over and taken it once (late rent, late credit card payments, late car payments, no beer); there's no reason they should have to pay to bend over and take it. It might go a little ways toward ensuring that the university doesn't just close their eyes and push the button to start up a massive, massively flawed system that breaks down when it is needed most, taking the pocketbooks of cold/hungry/thirsty students with it.

4) When someone tells a student that (vice president of student affairs) Bob Boyd will personally look into a situation, Bob Boyd should take a minute from his day and personally call the student, even if he was unable to help. That way, it wouldn't look like the student was simply lied to.

What responsibility comes down to is actually trying to fix your screw-ups. We are expected to be responsible, and if we are not, there are plenty of police, STDs, and collection agencies waiting to whip us into shape. There is no direct authority holding UND accountable to its students, or the federal government to the people of the Gulf Coast, but that should not mean that those organizations cannot rise to the occasion and teach us a lesson or two about responsibility. You know, the old-fashioned kind.